Ex-Gay Testimony: The Gospel Radically Changed My Heart and Desires


In an ungodly movement in the Church today, the idea that one can be a Christian while still sexually attracted to people of the same sex is gaining momentum. It teaches that same-sex attraction, in and of itself, is not sinful unless acted upon. This notion is contrary to the teachings of the Scripture, namely that the root of sin is a wicked heart.

The following is a testimony from Josef Löwdin who says he experienced these vile attractions before he was saved, but was radically changed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Already when I was a small boy, I started to notice that I had “bi-sexual” desires. Even though I, in general, liked girls mostly, I was also attracted to other boys. When I became a bit older, I still had these vile desires sometimes. I particularly remember one classmate that I held these deep desires for. I had desires for him but I also had desires for girls.

In my youth, I committed lots of sins. Not just having vile desires but I also was a thief — stealing from my mother and from stores. As a teenager, I had broken all of Gods commandments. One day I was strongly convicted of my sins. I remembered all the things I had done and I started to hate them. I was totally broken over my sins and I wept for about three days over them.

When I later found Christ, there was a radical change in my life, things I used to love I started to hate and old passions were changed with new passions. All attractions to men were completely gone and I have never had them since. Actually, when I see a man the thought of being with him is very disgusting to me. The vile affection I used to have are totally gone. I am a new creature in Christ.

I am not preaching sinless perfectionism while here on earth. But I am saying there is a tremendous power in the Gospel to transform sinners. For instance, for a time in my life, I was hooked on pornography. However it was not for a very long time, because I went to people in my church during that time, and wept and confessed, and they prayed for me and I was set free and since then I have never watched it again. This was more than 10 years ago.

This is how the cross works: it sets people free from their sins. When we come to him in repentance and faith, Christ has the power to set us free. We call this mortification of sins. If we sin or struggle with sins, we come to him in repentance and the blood of Christ is powerful enough to restore us and set us free again.

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The bible teaches us:

Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him. Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

1 John 3:6-9 (KJV)

These verses are telling us that a Christian can not live in sin. This does not mean he never commits any sin, but it is not a habit for him to watch pornography. It is not a habit to be same-sex attracted. You can fall into this for a period of time, and you will feel sorrow for it and fight it, but this will not stay in our lives as a habit, rather it will be killed.

In our days there is a movement in so-called Bible-believing circles that denies this reality. They call themselves same-sex attracted. They seem to believe that you can be a Christian and live in habitual sin and this is very obvious since they call them self ”same-sex attracted.” The Apostle John warns us “Little children, let no man deceive you.” Apparently, there were people during those days who were deceiving themselves and others into believing you could be a Christian and still live in sin.

I am saying this because my heart has been very grieved and troubled by what I have seen on the internet going on for a while now, and I have even seen the names of these people infiltrating my own country, Sweden.

Today this movement has deceived many into believing these devilish thoughts: ”You can be a Christian and stil be attracted to the same sex”.

To illustrate their folly let us say someone would go around telling the world he is a “Christian murderer.” How does that sound to the world? However they are not going around shooting people everywhere, they are condemning the external acts. They just go around hating their brethren year after year, start a ministry to help other murderers to not be free from their inward hatred but rather to accept them. Yes, the Bible says that hatred in the heart is murder.

This is what they are doing, but with the sin of homosexuality instead. Paul did not go around starting ministries for those who are murderers in their hearts, he preached that we should kill all evil desires.

The Bible teaches no such thing as same-sex attraction for a Christian. Therefore if a man or women can live year after year with vile affections, they are habitually sinning and are not born of God. I fear and I believe most of these same-sex attraction preachers and ministers are not even born again. I see no fruit of repentance in their lives. I see no power of the cross working to kill their desires. What I see are people who put up ministries telling everyone they are in bondage to sin. And those inviting, giving a platform, or promoting their books are cooperating with unbelievers.

The Bible tells us to not be ”unequally yoked with unbelievers,” but rather it’s calling for separation from them. And those who are not separating from this error, are brethren who ”walketh disorderly” (2 Thess 3:6). If Spurgeon was alive today I am sure he would follow his own words.

That I might not stultify my testimony I have cut myself clear of those who err from the faith, and even from those who associate with them.

There is a power in the gospel to set sinners free. Jesus Christ came to save people from their sins (Mathew 1:21). Anyone who comes to Christ in repentance and faith will be delivered from the power of sin in their lives. The cross of Christ is no powerless thing but has the power to transform anyone in this world. It does not matter how many or how vile and wicked our sins have been. Christ can set us free from them and restore us and forgive us. What I have experienced in my own life is such an amazing love from a loving God who cares about sinners. And anyone can come to him right now in brokenness and sorrow over their sins and trust in Christ to be set free from their sins.

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